‘Our Husbands Are Running Away From Responsibilities’

By Maria Famakinwa

Mrs Jojolo (not real name), a salary earner, has been struggling to meet her family needs, since her husband who is also a salary earner abandoned his financial responsibility of caring for the family for her. She revealed that the burden of providing for her three children was weighing her down and making her emotionally unbalanced.

She said, Despite the fact that my husband and I are salary earners, he left me to shoulder most of the home needs, including feeding and paying the children school fees. At times, when I became angry, he would beg me to show understanding and promise to pay me the money spent which he never fulfilled. If I asked him for the money, he would say we were both responsible for the children’s needs. At times, he gave me peanut but the truth is that I am highly indebted because I cannot be watching my children starve or not going to school.”

Mrs Jojolo is not the only woman facing this problem, as findings by The Hope revealed that most men have abandoned the home’s financial responsibilities for women, not because they (husbands) are jobless but because most men leverage on the fact that women will want to go to any length to provide for their families especially their children. Some women shared their challenges with The Hope.

A trader and mother of three, Mrs Olayinka Okunade, who explained that men are abandoning their financial responsibilities to their wives due to the care and love mothers have especially for their children, called for attitudinal change on the side of men for happiness to reign in homes.

Her words: “Most husbands when they notice that their wives have money, believe that burdens have been lifted off their shoulders. They relax and leave most financial needs for the woman. Since I discovered this character in my husband, I have been hiding my money from him because if he gets to know, he will distance himself from any form of family financial responsibilities until I spend all my money,” she said.

Sharing a similar sentiment, a nurse, Mrs Rachael Olayinka, who bemoaned men for dodging their conjugal primary function, hinted that most women are practically shouldering all the home’s financial needs, which she observed as a major reason for broken marriages. She said,”Some men are so stingy that they hardly give their wives money to make soup. They are the types you will see at the markets buying soup ingredients and foodstuffs.

“It is high time men understood that they are meant to provide for their families and women’s contributions should only be seen as bonuses to their efforts. Though my man is not perfect, for over eight years of our marriage, he has never pushed the financial burden to me. However, I have friends and colleagues who struggle daily to provide for their families because their husbands left them to cater for the marital needs.”

In the submission of a businesswoman, Mrs Yewande Ikumola, disclosed that most men no longer care about providing for their homes because their wives are working. This she said has led some women into having extramarital affairs while those who cannot cope are dying silently due to depression.

She said, It is shameful and pathetic that some men are boasting of being the heads of their families without knowing how much their children are paying as school fees or able to mention some of the textbooks their children are using. Some of them can spend any amount on beer or ladies because they believe that their wives will surely look for any means to provide for the kids. No matter how much your wife earns, it is spiritually wrong to leave the home’s financial weight on her. Women cannot continue like this. We want the society to speak against this trend, to re-awaken men of their marital responsibilities.”

In a swift reaction, Mrs Yewande’s husband, Mr Ikumola, opined that there was nothing wrong for a working woman to help her husband in providing for the home financially. He asked,” what is her money for, make-ups and clothes? How do you expect a man who is receiving little salary to provide for all the home needs? I think women want equality but when it comes to responsibilities, they will remind you that it is a man’s job. It is only a full house wife who should nag if the man is not taking hundred percent care of her financial needs and that of the children not a working class or business woman. Is it a crime to be a man?. Women should please show understanding and support in time like this.”

The Hope spoke with a marriage counselor, Mr Goke Olawande, on how to solve marital financial burden between couples. The man, who also affirmed that it is the primary duty of a man to provide for the home, however added that the woman can assist her husband if he is financially handicapped. 

While explaining he said, “What I mean as being financially handicapped is when the man is jobless or does a menial job. But for a man who is a civil servant, businessman, artisan or working where he is getting paid, such has no excuse to abandon his family financial needs for his wife.

“This describes a man who fails to prioritize his family’s primary needs which must be immediately adjusted because a man who fails in his home fails everywhere as experiences abound. 

Men who shift financial responsibilities to their wives all because their wives are working are shifting their blessings to their wives unkowningly. That is the spiritual implication. If the husband has not been found wanting in providing for his home but things changed unexpectedly for him, the wife can improvise and it should not be seen by the husband as an avenue to prey on the wife. 

I will advise men to be committed to their marital obligations spiritually, financially and otherwise, instead of shifting it to their wives, because it is their expected duties. 

Besides, they should understand that it is the children they nuture that will nourish them in the future.” he advised.